Anger and Frustration
“Be still and know that I am the Principle of Peace within me. I am the manifestation of Love within me. My mind is poised in peace and beauty.”
~ Ernest Holmes, The Science of Mind (pg 264)
Sometimes my inner world is exploding. My thoughts go around and around as I mull over frustrations and disappointments, hurts and struggles. There are mornings I wake up and wonder, “why bother?” Yup, this happens to me! But, I put my feet on the floor, shuffle through the hallway, and I land firmly on my couch, ready for meditation and journalling.
With my eyes closed, I start counting my breaths, training my mind to focus…. I notice I am deep in rumination, and have only achieved a count of two. So, I tell my mind to stop thinking about … whatever … and to think of happy thoughts and spiritual concepts instead. I begin my focused breaths again….
I anchor with the thought of my new baby granddaughter, Lucy, and of my son, Paul. Breath in… one… breath out. Breath in… two… breath out…. Then I remember the text I got last night at 1 AM. It woke me up. I saw that Paul was texting me about random stuff. I asked why he was awake and he told me that he was up walking with Lucy… and… off my mind went….
“Opal and Pearl must be asleep…. I wonder what Lucy is wearing…. Last I saw her (2 days old) she was naked…. She could be naked…. Do they have the fire going hot enough for her if she is naked?… Oh man, that would be hot in their little home…. I wonder if Paul has enough firewood…. They have been so busy…”
This went on for well into 10 or 15 minutes of my meditation practice before I noticed I wasn’t counting.
I recognize I have a tendency toward worry. Even if I am angry with a person or situation, it is rooted in worry. How life-affirming and experience-enhancing is this kind of thinking? Does worry make a situation better? No way! What we focus on expands. Zooming in on all sorts of potential problems in my life, and in the lives of others, only expands problematic experiences.
The character Deanna Troi, from the TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation, is half human / half Betazoid. Betazoids have telepathic abilities. Imagine if we all had telepathic abilities and could clearly hear the thoughts of others. YIKES! I would be far more scrutinizing of my thoughts, if I knew that was the case. I would definitely ‘up’ my practice of learning how to think. Imagine if we all could hear the judgemental, angry, limiting thoughts of everyone. I am certain if I think them, you do too. Telepathy would be a real game changer, and maybe for the better.
“The clearing model”, as shared in the book, The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, is a great tool for training ourselves to be conscious about our thoughts. Here is a link to further information about the model, for your reference: https://u.pcloud.link/publink/show?code=x3BctalK
In particular, I find these two steps of the process to be so important, and yet they are so easily skimmed over:
6. “How I CREATED this disconnection with you is...”
7. PROJECTION: “The part of me I see in you that I have an aversion/attraction to is...”
When the story I am telling myself about a person brings up my anger, I have a hard time taking responsibility.
“How did I create this problem? Are you kidding me? They are the problem!”
But every time I get still, quiet, and really think about the circumstance I am experiencing discomfort around, I figure out the lesson for myself. Lately, my anger and frustration revealed that I was spending way too much time focusing on blame, and seeking control over a situation. How I created the disconnection was by jumping into the playing field of “right” and “wrong”. The part of me I see in the “other” that I have an aversion to, is the part that likes this game… the person who wants to be right at all costs, and to control the situation. That is actually the part of me that is afraid to let go and to be truly vulnerable.
WOW! Metaphysical teacher, Emma Curtis Hopkins, woke me up when I read her words:
“What shall we, who wish to be free and not to engage in warfare do, when our peace and safety are menaced by foes (adversaries) of such giant physical and mental stature (size)? We will seek the High Presence in the Universe, not affected by thoughts.” We will seek not by looking outside ourselves, but rather by dwelling on Spiritual Principles of Truth. Look up and know I Am That I Am’. I endeavour to always bring this understanding into action in my daily living. I Am That Omniscient, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, ‘I Am’. I aspire to lift up out of blame, out of worry, out of indulging and withdrawing.
My spiritual muscle may not be super strength (yet), but I know it is getting more vigorous every day. And, by practicing these principles… by using effective tools… my faith becomes deeper and more powerful.
I may not have managed to count 10 breaths this morning, but I sure revealed new understandings about myself.
~ What are some practices you engage in that convert the troubling circumstances in your life to something more life-affirming? ~ And, email me about them. I am always keen to learn more. ~ And, while you are at it, pick one to focus on for yourself this week.
~ Also, if you’d like to learn some new tools and more expansive ideas in the company of others, we have classes and events that we encourage you to check out. They’ll help you do just that: Follow this link for more info