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  • Writer's pictureJill Brocklehurst


“There is One Infinite Life, ONE! ONE! ONE!

I am this Life and there is nothing else. There is One Limitless Life, which returns to me exactly what I think into It.

One! One! One! ‘In all, over all, and through all.’

I talk, live, act, believe and know that I am a centre in this One. All the Power there is, all the Presence there is, all the Love there is, all the Peace there is, all the Good there is, and the Only Life there is, is Omnipresent. Consequently, the Infinite is in and through me and is in and through everything. ‘Act as though I Am and I will be.’”

~ Ernest Holmes compilation (The Science of Mind)

Moving forward and stepping into our best life takes perseverance and courage. In her book, The Perfectionist Guide to Losing Control, Katherine Morgan Schalfer wrote:

“Unless you consciously decide that you want to heal, you’ll always choose familiarity and convenience over surprise and effort, because that’s what human beings are wired to do. Familiarity and convenience offer us control, which in turn offers us predictability. If we can predict our environment, we increase our chances for survival. Surviving doesn’t demand that you heal or thrive; surviving only requires that you don’t die. If your goal is merely to survive, it’s important that you close yourself off to any risk. If your goal is to extend your survival skills to ‘thriving’ skills, it’s important that you learn how to take risks.” (p. 151)

I know the feeling of not wanting to move forward, and the fear of doing life differently. Familiar feels safe. Even so, I am a ‘pioneer’ and I love exploring the unknown. What lies on the other side of that ridge? If I can hold on all the way through this feeling, how will my life be tomorrow? The answers to these questions have always been gratifying to me.

I had a great day last week, where I was feeling ‘on top of my game’. Every connection I made throughout the day seemed a confirmation for my work, and gave me confidence to ‘be’… centred in my personality fully. I was flying high right into my coaching call, and I was ready to fully embrace every goal and every possibility through my authentic self. Yet… after that 24 hour passionate buzz, I crashed. I have had this happen after successful events before, and I have referred to the phenomenon as ‘a hangover’. This time, I was journalling with inspiration from The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook, by Kristen Neff, PhD. In the workbook, she wrote,“Backdraft refers to the pain - often very old pain - that may arise when we give ourselves kindness and compassion.”

I was having fun living life… lots of fun… and then there was a “backdraft”.

The crash reminded me of a day from my childhood when I was with my friends. We were making ‘Rice Krispy Marshmallow Squares’, only the squares didn’t make it to the pan. Instead, we were eating them like I did at camp; scooping up fist-sized balls in our hands, right out of the warm pot. SO FUN! Until my Dad walked in and lost it! His rage was crushing, and I was also devastated that my friends were there to witness it.

During my latest “backdraft’, something in me clicked… I realized, with insight from the studying I have done regarding my ‘Big Leap’, (from the Gay Hendricks book of the same name) that I have a hidden barrier to ultimate success and happiness.

In his book, Hendricks identifies 4 of such barriers that tend to be typical:

  1. Feeling Fundamentally Flawed

  2. Disloyalty and Abandonment

  3. Believing That More Success Brings a Bigger Burden

  4. The Crime of Outshining

I decided to think back, in order to try to remember the first time I had this “backdraft” feeling, and two triggers popped into my head. One: the way my brother often told me things like, “You’re fat”, “You smell”, or “You’re ugly”. The other was an event when my father said, after I had asked how to spell a word, “I can’t believe how stupid you are”. I had always aspired to please and to meet the standards of these two influential figures in my life. What came up for me was the thought, “how dare I be so disloyal to my ‘loving’ family?”. Yet, my brother had held me down, figuratively, for years… to the point where I have been ready go to great lengths to ‘stay small’… reasoning that if I launched into my full success I would make him look or feel bad. And then there was the understanding I had taken on that, “obviously, according to my Dad, I am fundamentally flawed”. Oh dear!

Kristen Neff’s writing promises that the experience of “backdraft’ is a sign that we are doing our healing journey right, by opening the door of our hearts. I liken this to the physical effects of a cleanse that can be called ‘a healing crisis’. Any time I embark on a deep cleanse, the beginning is so uncomfortable… AND… the results are always worth it.

I am on a spiritual journey. I believe there is Greater Good for me that I ought to have. I don’t feel like I have it yet because I don’t know what I don’t know. In order to experience this Greater Good, I have to be willing to step through discomfort into unknown territory. I have to be willing to take risks, get uncomfortable, fail, get up and start over, again and again.

I have been on this journey for a long time and I haven’t given up because it has always been worth it. I am already miles ahead of where I thought I would ever be. So, I thank myself for this pep talk and remember I am on my way. It’s the journey that counts.

What about you?

~ What are your typical barriers to taking big leaps into your great life? ~ What loving and kind thing can you do for yourself this week, to let that scared part of yourself know that you have their back?

~ I’d love to hear all about it. Send me an email to let me know what you decide (admin@the ~ If you are ready to let go of limiting ideas for yourself, I invite you to join us at one of our classes. Follow this link for more info

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