What if the things you've been taught about how to live your life are holding you back from true fulfilment? Most people follow a path that has been laid out for them by authority figures who are living their lives in ways designated by the authority figures that came before them. Generation by generation, as our personal power is given over to someone else, a feeling of hopelessness can be the result. It doesn’t have to be this way. Breaking free from societal constraints and following one's own inner voice can lead to greater fulfilment than you may have ever thought possible.
Recently, my husband and I had a lovely young Italian couple on a romantic honeymoon staying with us at our Airbnb. The couple were surprised, and even a little overwhelmed, by the beauty of Vancouver Island. At every turn, they witnessed natural wonders and the authentic wildness of this region on full display; everything from moss-drenched forests to rugged coastlines. They'd had no idea that the planet could be this beautiful before this experience.
As our conversation turned to their work and life in Milan, the couple described an oppressive urban environment of tall, grey buildings which they felt blocked out the imaginative possibility for them of a new idea; a different lifestyle. Their daily routine ('the grind'), was how they measured the time in between the rising and setting of the sun.
This story may sound familiar to you - we blindly just keep going with the vague idea that "maybe then…" . Maybe then... what? Like our Milanese visitors, many of us return again and again to yesterday's patterns because we live under the pressure of cultural confines. Permission is something we will never receive from others. “Adapt,” is what 'they' say. “Fit in and don’t make a scene.”
I am put in mind of a particular incident from my 20’ s, when I was struggling to heft two 5-gallon buckets of pig feed over a formidable fence, toward a drift of pigs that were squealing with excitement. My morning-after-party, head-splitting, brain-exploding headache had me questioning the festivities of the previous night. Right then and there, I decided to stop drinking alcohol. I did this for no other reason than that I had observed myself and had come to a clarity of understanding - that alcohol played no role in adding value to my life. I knew there must be another way.
Shortly after this epiphany, I was visiting my family, where my refusal of the wine they offered brought on a surge of disapproval from them. I was told, “Don’t be so disagreeable.” The pressure to conform was palpable.... but the voice of my suffering soul was louder. I knew that there was something new and different in store for me and, regardless of the pressures I might have to endure to explore it, I was ready... even if it meant that I would be walking my way alone.
The 'traps' set by the well-meaning authority figures of my youth were powerful enough to set me on a journey that took me 3278 kilometres away, both physically and metaphorically. I needed that space to discover myself. Unfortunately (or perhaps necessarily), I have spent much of the journey (some 30 years or so, now) in defiance; a practice of rebellion instead of an exploration of wonder, curiosity and openness to the call of my soul. I knew I wanted something different, and, at first, what I knew how to do was to run in the opposite direction from what had come before.
As our Milanese house guests stood downcast before me, telling me about their lives back home, I decided to challenge them. I expressed the idea that there is always 'another way', but that we have to get out of our comfort zones first before we can see it. If we want a new experience, we must choose to 'do life' differently.
From where so may of us reside, in the mechanized patterns and rituals of modern life, we can become like automatons. From this space of existence, change can seem impossible. To push against the norm, stepping out of the lifestyles we have always known, away from the familiar ways of our peers and authority figures, means to risk losing approval and support. This can lead us to raise the white flag of defeat; to leave alternate life possibilities to the realm of movies and TV shows. "One can only dream", we may intone. Typically, many people come to the conclusion that their dreams are foolhardy, and so they put them aside.
The voice of my soul continues to call to me. So, in the last 10 years especially, I have decided to sacrifice my ego’s comfort ('the easy path') and accept that (as author, James Hollis PHD wrote), “No one out there knows what is going on. They are as much at the mercy of their unconscious mechanisms as the least of us, and so now I must figure it out for myself.”
What I need to know is already known within me.
The new expressions on the faces of my Airbnb guests seemed to indicate that my words of possibility had spoken to a 'hidden something' within them. I could tell that they, too, wanted something different from what they had always known. Here is a wisdom teaching that I have learned, have shared with many others, and have now shared with my new Milanese friends: “When you see something that you want, plan to have it. Decide that it is yours and make room for it.” In order to do this, we must be willing to let go of 'the old', and to step into the unknown realm of Possibility.
I say to you, now, “Leap!" Your beating heart will be there to catch you as you free fall.
What is a small action you can take today to start exploring your true desires? If you don’t know yet, begin a regular meditation ritual... as you practice listening deeply to yourself, your inner voice will eventually make it known.