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  • Writer's pictureJill Brocklehurst

I Really Want to Get You

"It is impossible for a man to conceal himself. In every act, word, or gesture, he stands revealed as he is, and not as he would have himself appear to be. From the Universe, nothing is or can be hidden.” (Ernest Holmes)

I’ve heard some say that metaphysics is an old philosophy requiring a facelift or a new idea. I don’t believe that. The philosophy that says, “Change your thinking; change your life”, can sound so trite, yes. Yet, when we really get down to the roots, although the principles may seem basic, and the practice may seem difficult to apply in daily living, this doesn’t mean the ideals are faulty. It means that in order to reap the full benefits, we must always be doing our deep, conscious work.

We were recently practicing ‘candour’ in a workshop I was co-facilitating. My task was to set an example by looking at my partner and saying the first thing that bubbled up into my mind.  After focused contemplation, 24 hours later it was revealed to me that I’d actually had several first thoughts that I had skipped right over until I had come to the words I felt worthy of sharing. What I ended up saying is what I thought my partner wanted to hear… something nice. (Something ‘acceptable’). My true initial thought, I realized, was, “Oh, I hope I get this right, everyone’s watching, what will my partner think?” 

If we are going to practice changing our thoughts in order to align them with our desired futures, we have to be darned skilled at knowing what we are already thinking. How could I expect to reap the benefits of an affirmation when the more dominant, unconscious thinking is working against me? Yes, yes, yes, I understand that if I practice my affirmations over and over, they will eventually override my oppositional unconscious stories, but… when? There is a more effective way…

Living consciously is not for the faint of heart. Ernest Holmes used the word ‘conscious’ 500 times in his seminal book, The Science of Mind. In that book, Holmes explains his philosophy of how life works; how we might wake up today and lay a foundation for a better tomorrow.

My husband and I are practicing ‘truth telling’. This means taking full responsibility for our individual behaviour during our connections. Am I lying, attacking, acting like a victim, running, or clinging? My side of our interactions often includes some form of attacking followed by ‘running’, I am discovering. In subtle (or not so subtle) ways, I lecture to my  husband about the way I see things and what “should” be, and use my ‘gift of the gab’ to prove that I am right. If he doesn’t lovingly accept my ‘higher’ (said in jest) wisdom, I get angry and stomp out of the room.

WOW! If I really wanted to practice facilitating a richer, more loving relationship, I would listen more, talk about my feelings, and share my version of the facts while knowing perfectly well that the opposite of what I believe to be true is just as true. Instead of putting all my energy towards protecting my ego sense of self, I could find ways to be more honest and candid.

I share this trepidatiously because any practice can be used as a weapon.

Emotional intelligence is a hot topic in our modern world and many of us have learned the value and importance of being in touch with our feelings. This isn’t always easy, as the part of our brains that deals with emotions is not connected to the language part. If you are finding it difficult to access words to express your feelings, this may be why.

Here is the caution: I have witnessed and been a participant in ‘emoting’. This is NOT the same thing as having or exhibiting emotional intelligence. Emoting is more like  yelling, crying, sulking, etc. in order to get something from another person or situation. This is manipulation. You will know it when you are the receiver, for the negative discomfort associated with it is high. Emotional intelligence requires vulnerability and bravery.



We can only really see another person when we really know ourselves.

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