If You Really Knew Me

I have heard that the younger generations crave deeper conversations these days. (Wait, let me fact check that). Perplexity.AI found evidence from 36 sources that confirmed that, yes, younger generations do crave deeper conversations. Here are the findings that my search turned up:

“Younger North American generations, particularly Gen Z (age 13 - 28) and Millennials (age 29 - 44), prefer deeper, meaningful conversations—a trend confirmed by surveys, social media analytics, and research, showing such interactions enhance connection and well-being. This reflects a broader cultural shift toward authenticity and emotional intimacy in our digitally saturated world.”

Awesome! I may be a "Gen Xer," but I have always felt that way too. 'If you really knew me,' you’d know that I won’t be found hanging around parties or other surface-level social gatherings much, because I really struggle with small talk. It doesn’t matter whether the conversation leads to cooking recipes, politics or whatever, I would much rather hear about your life, and to come to understand what inspires you, than to talk about banalities. I love to talk about our unique beliefs and the different ways in which we interpret the world. I want to find common ground, and I also want to celebrate our differences. There are over eight billion people on our planet - I crave opportunities to experience diverse understandings of life through connecting with people who have a different set of eyes from my own.

A friend of mine who is from India comes to mind. I remember having engaging conversations with them about arranged marriages vs love-led marriages. Honestly, in the end, I could only conclude that both models have their advantages and disadvantages. 'If you really knew me', you would know thatI have been married four times... . Sooooo, maybe if someone else had done the picking for me at the outset, I might have had better success. (Don’t get me wrong, I have come a long way from the shame I felt when I was arranging my fourth wedding ceremony. I am also very grateful for the girlfriend who boosted me up as I struggled, by suggesting that I just marry every man I date with great optimism... . She really knows me).

What happens when we share ourselves authentically with others? We discover we're not alone. Rich and supportive conversations act as a kind of glue that keeps us connected. I don’t doubt that most of us wake each day with our own set of struggles - and feeling the fear, sadness or anger that may come with those struggles can lead us to believe we are isolated in our experiences. I am grateful for the rewarding insights I have gleaned through the nature of the work I do because, having now led several hundred sharing conversations over the years, I can assure you that you are not the only one who feels challenged.

I was recently reminded of the value of the work I am engaged in during a conversation I was having with a group of inspired young men and women. In the beginning, as we were getting to know one another, we shared our fields of interest and we soon discovered we had something rich and truthful to share. Our discussion was vibrant and deep, with each person willing to authentically reveal themselves. Yet, we all know there is a deeper next step, don't we? 'If you really knew me', you'd understand that, for me, the next step is to enter the realm of interactions where we get to really rub elbows - where we put a vision in front of us that we are each passionate about, and then we learn how to negotiate our movement forward.

My experience has revealed that the real challenges begin where people's values clash. That can bring up a lot of emotion, but if we are ready and willing to stay in curiosity around what is to be learned from our experiences, we come to know that our differences are not personal attacks - they are just ... 'different'. My goodness, how do we expect the world's political conversations to move forward if we can’t even hang in there for the tough conversations with our friends, our neighbours, and yes, our families?

'If you really knew me', you would know that I place high value on the attributes of togetherness, optimism, and love... I also often wake to a new day struggling with feelings of discouragement and worry, for various reasons. To offset the latter tendencies, I lean into a strong spiritual practice. This serves to override my imagined concerns, and to centre faith as the foundation on which I build my days. 'If you really, really knew me', you would know that my spiritual practices don't always seem to work for me, though. Sometimes, I hit my low of all lows, and I find myself in a state of self-hatred. When that happens, I know I can rely on you, my friends and community so all is not lost. I don't need anyone to rescue me, but it sure can be helpful to know that people I cherish really see me, and that they love me just the way I am.

Vulnerability is the bridge to true connection. That is the togetherness that I value. It is my desire and my goal always, to see you and to love you for who you are too, as different as you may seem to be from me. I want to understand you; to 'walk with you' for a mile or two, as it were, so that I might be able to access a deeper appreciation for the world through the way in which you live in it.

If that fires you up as well, I invite you to come to our monthly “Sip and Sage” coffee shop conversations - or to any of our other offerings. 'If you really knew me', you'd see that is all I truly want.