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  • Writer's pictureJill Brocklehurst

The Power of a Trusted Friend

Think of the whole world as your friend, but you must also be the friend of the whole world (Ernest Holmes - The Science of Mind)

Doing life alone, under the guise of personal power, is foolery. Our greatest strength lies with a trusted friend. Finding myself thrown into one of my ‘triggers’ (which left me filled with judgement about myself and others), gave me an opportunity to experience this first hand.

I felt angry… so angry that I started yelling and pacing about. My friend, whom I reached out to, listened, giggled a little bit, and loved me through it.

‘The old me’ was dancing in my head, on the sidelines. That version of me said things to me like, “Whoa Jill, hold back, you are going to scare this friend away. Don’t be a fool. Calm down.” A ‘new me’ was willing to take a risk, though, and, witnessing my friend’s calm responses, I found myself feeling even more safe to express. So, I continued to ‘let it rip’… to move all the way through my trigger… until I was on the elated side of life an hour later. What a trip!

I recommend reading the 3 pages in the section of the book, The Science of Mind, that is titled, “Attracting Friends.” It’s potent… but not always easy: “If you want a friend, be a friend.”

After decades of believing and knowing that I am a good friend, I have finally decided it is time to allow others to be good friends to me in return, without the fear of possible loss. The joy and fulfillment I feel when being an anchor of support to others, is the gift I am ready to give freely. On the brave day I mentioned above, I felt immediate results as a recipient, too.

Emotional literacy is a hot topic. Increasing the depth of our understanding around the importance of our emotional health and expression is a growing phenomenon, and for good reason. Unexpressed emotions can remain held in the physical body. While it may seem life threatening to fully feel our rage, fear and/or deep sadness, the truth is that when we suppress the movement of our emotional energy, the outcome of this is wide and varied. Over time, some people’s bodies begin to break down under the weight of suppressed emotions, to the point where they no longer experience the health and vigour they had in the past. Others suffer mental anguish, depression or ongoing anxiety.

When we deny any part of our self, we create imbalance. Nobody does this to us. We do it to ourselves. So, it is important that we learn to seek health and wholeness for ourselves, along the brave path of full expression of our emotions.

Point of clarity: full expression does not mean “drama”. If someone is yelling, sobbing, or screaming at you … while claiming you aren’t letting them feel their emotions… they have it all wrong. That sort of behaviour is the use of emotional outbursts for control and manipulation. That’s different.

Jill Bolte Taylor shares, in her book, My Stroke of Insight, that emotions last ninety seconds, at the most. It is the repression or recycling of the stories that lead to those emotions that can transform an emotional moment into ‘a mood’.

In the book, The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, it is explained that emotions are a full-body experience. We may connect to the associated physical sensations first, or after the onset. For instance, anger might be felt as a tightening of the jaw or neck, sadness may be felt in the eyes or upper throat, fear might express itself in the belly, and so on. When we locate the sensations of our emotions in our bodies, breathe through and allow all the sensations, and perhaps release the energy with a sound, we discover that emotional moments do pass, and that we can then experience renewal.

The next step, once this discovery is made, is to find our people with whom there is a safe place to practice. We are social animals who require connection. It is a known fact that isolation is harmful to our wellbeing… so don’t do it! We may be bombarded by the messaging of our 5 senses which can make our lives appear as separate and threatening, but this is untrue.

The solution to every ‘problem’ is a deepening spiritual practice, of any kind. The Universe is infinitely, intricately connected. There is only One Life, One Energy and nothing outside of that. What happens to me can’t help but to be felt by you. How I treat those in my little corner of the world effects the health and wellbeing of the whole wide world. Everything is connected.

An hour later, following the angry outburst I mentioned earlier, my friend reached out to ask how I was doing. I couldn’t believe the transformation in me. All attachment to the previous story I had been reacting to was gone. Not even a residue remained. I found myself out in my garden harvesting food for anybody that showed up that day and reported, “I just can’t help being a generous person. It is who I am!”

The patient ear of my friend was a healing balm that day. I am so grateful I reached out and shared my frustration, felt my feelings all the way through, and had someone to love me through the process. The result… I was glowing with overflowing happiness.

~ Is there anything that is keeping you feeling emotionally stuck?

~ Today is your day. I recommend you start it with the “Speaking Unarguably Worksheet” from The 15 Commitments Resource page, online:

~ Considering the sections of this worksheet is a great practice to do with family at home, or co-workers in your work place.

~ I recommend that you practice daily, and take notes, for a week.

~ Empowered by your newfound clarity, observe the natural ebb and flow of your life. There is rich wisdom waiting to be revealed.

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